Depression. Such a heavy word for some people or maybe greater quantity of society.
One day you were fine, happy, living your life as always. The next day you suddenly feel sadder than usual. You did not realize what it was at first until it gradually grows into a big problem in your life. Until some days or months later you feel like the world is against you in everything you do. Nothing is going in the right direction for you.
Sally thought she would never catch this disease called depression ever in her whole life, but it does not go that way.
Sally is 25 years old. Her everyday life is very productive and quite fun. School, part-time work, being active in an organization, still got time to hang out and play with some of her friends, and got some ‘me time’ for her ownself occasionally one day in a week. She is well-known for her cheerfulness and optimism.
However, it all suddenly changes because of this thing that crawls up on her.
The First Stage.
In the middle of last year, small symptoms of depression started haunting her. She started to be more negative than usual and felt a lot of sadness in her life. At first, she always ignored those feelings, cried a bit more than usual, but that’s it. She still went on with her usual daily life.
The Second Stage.
Not long after that, more problems came in her way. “It did not matter, I could still handle this.” she always encouraged herself with these words. Still, she started to feel like a useless person at this stage. She thought about how she could only waste her parents’ money by going away to take her Masters. She cried about it a lot, several times called her parents while crying and apologizing. Watching movie is her hobby and the thing that always succeed in distracting her mind from anything else. Nonetheless, she could not even concentrate on the movie she was watching, she got lost in the middle almost every time. Moreover, she started doubting her friends, feeling like they are all going away from her. She was a very talkative person and ranting out to her friends about her problems is one thing she always does to destress. However, at this stage, she became quieter, sharing only a little bit to several friends.
The Third Stage.
“Are you OK?” a lot of her friends started asking this to her, nevertheless, everybody got the same answer, “I am fine.”. Sally did not want to share anything with anyone, she was crying every day and became too tired. Too many problems were coming after her, she had not even finished one problem, but more and more kept coming. She became a very anti-social person, went out only if she really have to go to work or to her organization’s event because she knew it was her responsibility. Closed off herself from other people, just want to stay at home every day if she could. Amid this time, she did still attend her classes and finished all her assignments on time. Fulfilling her responsibilities to her parents, job, and organization is the only thing that motivated her at this stage. Searched online about depression and its symptoms. She admitted and understood that she is currently slightly depressed, but she could still feel grateful that she was not suicidal.
The Fourth Stage.
That last thing she was grateful for is now gone. After one last accident happened to her, she lost all her hope. She started feeling suicidal in almost every chance she could. Not disappointing her parents is the only thing that kept her going. She did still fulfill all her responsibilities, but she did not have any real motivation to live anymore. Messy sleeping schedule, lied down in bed the whole day, and distanced herself from her phone and everybody else whenever she could. Nothing made her happy. She did not seek help from the professional because she was too afraid.
It all happened in around 3 months. Everything was broken, everything was too dark, she could not see anything in front of her. She became a dark person herself, thinking about ways she could just end it all and be gone from this world. She thought she would be happier if she is not here, that is what everybody is thinking, everybody who chose to be out of this world by themselves. She used to despise this idea called “suicide”, but it seemed like the best way to end all these problems that came after her that she could not handle by herself. “Oh, so this is what they felt like, I understand them now.” she thought to herself.
Fortunately, after that last accident, there were no more troubles that came after her. That was the one last hard hit for her. Few weeks after that, she started to gradually open herself to some of her closest friends (she had to be forced to tell the first time she shared), revealed her story and received some supports. Slowly one by one, she solved her problems, not that it was easy but Sally tried really hard to figure them out. After her exams, she immediately went back to her hometown for a 2-weeks holiday. Being close to her family and closest friends helped her a lot, she started healing. Healing was still a rough process for Sally. She experienced a lot of relapse episodes especially when she went back after that holiday in her hometown. However, she succeeds in holding on.
3 months later, Sally becomes a lot better. She has not healed completely but she keeps feeling better. Sometimes, her anxiety attack still occurs but it has lessened. She changed a lot after this depression hits her. She became a very introverted person, a bit more anti-social, and could not easily believe in other people. Maybe she has not healed completely or this is how she is going to be for the rest of her life, who knows. However, she feels very grateful that she has a very loving family and close friends. She is not alone in the end. She acknowledges that she could not go through all that without the help and support of those people. No words could describe how thankful she is to them.
That was the story of how Sally gets through her sudden and unexpected depression. It was not easy for her and she has not completely healed yet, but, she is better now. That is how depression crawl into our lives, sudden and unexpected. It might not be easy, nevertheless, it is not impossible to get over it. It may seem too delusional or exaggerated, but that is how depression is. We do not know how it is until we experienced it ourselves, because that is how Sally thought about it before all this happened to her.
However, in the end, I realized that one of the keys to go through depression is to not be alone. It is a very important aspect. No matter how hard it is for you to speak about it, you still have to, because it could make this a little bit easier. Start slowly but surely to solve the problems step by step. You do not have to finish it all at once. Do what you think is the next right thing for you and keep going.
All in all, I just want to leave a message for people who stumbles to this article while experiencing the same thing. Hang in there! It will all be over slowly and surely. I know it seems very hard and like you have lost all hope that you have, however, it is not like that. It would not be easy and would take a long time, but I am sure you can go through it just like how Sally could get better. You matter and you are important!
